I Want Facebook To Complete Me!

The entire concept of dating has changed since I was in high school.  Now, it concentrates on meetups through Facebook, dating sites, Craigslist and a myriad of other encounters at the corner of Cyberlane Ave. and Digital Blvd.  The Things people write in their ads and profiles are a wondrous collection of attempts to portray who they are and what they want.  Some write little or nothing, most write a litany of similar platitudes and descriptions, post two grainy pictures taken of them 20 years earlier and 20 pounds lighter, and then fill out the rest with pictures of their cat, their hunting rifle, their favorite flower, the big trout they snagged.  But amid all that something really stood out to me in the profiles that women write, and honestly, I think it applies to men as well.

I’ve read on website dating profiles by women that they “don’t want a man to complete them” that they aren’t looking for “someone to fix their loneliness” or “take care of them” etc.  They use words like “independent” and “successful” to describe themselves.  I don’t disagree that there is some value in those thoughts, yet isn’t that really what all of the “search” is about?  I can go all day and be with people who I do things with.  It can be fun and social…but it isn’t special or connected in the way a relationship with someone who is uniquely committed and compatible with you is.  In the end there is that small hollowness inside that says “I want more.”

It seems to me that that is the way God made us…to in fact be “completed” by a person.  There is something so ultimately fulfilling in the daily experience of life with that one unique person you trust and are attracted to and compatible with, that the sharing of those experiences together becomes so much larger than it would be with just “anyone.” 

I mean, really, you can have work associates and even all the friends in the world.  You can even go out and rent companions -- river guides, home care workers, tour guides, personal trainers, maids, escorts or prostitutes for that matter.  You can join clubs and Meetups for friends.  It works to some degree, but it’s not good enough.  You can watch movies and have all the nice dinners in the world, and it won’t be enough. 

It’s not at all like walking into the movie theater holding hands or dancing together to the music in the grocery aisle.   It’s not like knowing they’ll be there beside you when you go to sleep at night, and still be there in the morning.  There IS some kind of “completeness” in finding that person.

One friend once told me, “There are two different mindsets. The first would be a person who is very accomplished and perhaps has been hurt deeply in some way and who has put up walls so as not to appear vulnerable or needy.  (They may "want" but don't "need)  They want someone to know they can take care of themselves in every way.  The second, is the person who wants but also needs them (I use the term "need" loosely.) They want a person in their life, one to join with in living each day to the fullest, to worship together, pray together, eat together and love together.  They want the completeness that comes from fully knowing their partner--their wants, dreams, fears and then to support each other so they can become all God has for us to be for Him and for each other. They "need" another because without them, they cannot experience the depth and sweetness of love that God intended --that "oneness" that comes from complete trust and loving fully with an open heart.  God made man and woman for each other, that we should not be alone.  A right relationship completes that love.”

As another friend once put it to me, “when you are really in love, independence and completeness don't matter....you just love unconditionally and it all feels good.”