Relationship 101

I’ve mentioned before how strongly I feel that relationship matters more than any of us realize.  We were built for it and when we don’t have it we sicken.  I am going to mention some real obvious basics here, but they are worth repeating and considering on a daily basis with all our interactions.

Most of the discussions I read talk about relationship in terms of how you can make someone else happy by how you act toward them and misses the point that when you actually show concern and caring for another person, it is you that is made happy as well.  Let’s use a very fundamental example: have you ever taken candy or a toy away from a child and seen the hurt on their face.  Did it make you happy?  How about when you gave that child candy or a toy and you saw the look on their face?  Did that make you happy?  It’s not much different in our interactions with adults.  Win an argument by browbeating someone down and I doubt you’ll come away with that much joy…but choose to compliment someone on a job well done and see the look on their face actually give you real pleasure.  (Actually, try it on your wife or girlfriend and tell her how beautiful she is to you and see what you feel after her response.  The opposite would be telling her you are never going to talk to her again…I don’t advise testing that one out.)

Even when you do have to stand your ground and be negative about something like a moral or legal issue, do it from a position of love and self-control…and remember, just because you are the loudest doesn’t mean you are right.

Each one of the above situations is a relational transaction.  When we show love we create something positive.  When we don’t we are left with an emptiness.  When we are driven to abuse others in order to win an advantage or some achievement we show our insecurity.  Relationship is more important than achievement.  How many famous people do you hear about that step all over people in their rise to power and then commit suicide because they aren’t in positive relationships with anyone.

We don’t do relationship very well in American society.  We relate much better to our things rather than other people, and we need to reverse that outcome.  So make your achievements enhance other people, treat others with love and respect, and take pleasure in growing the relationships you have that will truly sustain you.  I don't think it's any accident that the Golden Rule is "Do unto others, as you  would have them do unto you."