Sex Is A Gift From God

Consider this a post Valentine's Day weekend commentary:

Sex is a good gift from God, but when sex becomes an addiction beyond what it was intended it can ultimately be destructive.  Admittedly, sexual craving is a lot like an addiction when it is used even in a normal healthy manner.  I think God intended us to want to have sex, that’s pretty obvious, but He wanted it to be in the bounds of a permanent relationship and for the purpose of raising children and making a closely bound family unit.

Today, we see something vastly different going on, and it is very troubling.  Our free society has given us not only the freedom of speech, but the freedom of perversion.  The Supreme Court in America allows wide latitude to the production of pornographic materials in this country, and the internet gladly obliges the availability of nearly one-quarter million web pages of sexually explicit material.

That availability has led to nearly 40 percent of adults in this country regularly visiting porn sites.  Of course my readers will say, yes I expected as much…men are pigs.  Well ladies, at least 30 percent of internet porn users are women and 90 percent of children ages 8 to 16 have viewed porn online.  Almost 42 percent of all internet users view porn sites (68 million requests per day which is 25 percent of all search engine requests.)  Lest Christians get on their holier than thou horse, they comprise a huge part of this phenomenon.  Almost 68 percent of Christian women admit watching porn ‘frequently’ and more regular users of internet porn are found to be about 70% of Christian males and 30% (I’ve also seen 40% in surveys) of Christian females.  Over 40% of Christians classify pornography as a “problem in their home.”  If you start looking at all these statistics the numbers get much higher if you look at younger populations – both Christian and non-Christian.  And, the more recent the survey, the higher the percentages.

How does this happen?  Most who involve themselves with porn start early in life, they keep coming back until it becomes regular, then it escalates to looking for more graphic porn and they become increasingly desensitized to what would have been disgusting earlier.  At this point, many make the jump to acting out sexually in the real world.  The comparison to addiction to crack cocaine has been made as a fitting comparison.

So, what’s the big deal?  One of the primary problems is that pornography is generally degrading to women and presents a violent and demanding male viewpoint that women are supposed to like anything done at any time by any man.  Often force is employed.  It objectifies women rather than developing a relationship with them.  In its worst forms it portrays children in degrading and unnatural sexual activity and it glorifies homosexual porn.  Additionally, pornography’s effect on marriage is often catastrophic.  Nearly 68 percent of divorces involve husband or wife meeting a lover over the internet, and 56 percent show obsessive interest in porn websites.  Almost 33 percent involve excessive time spent in computer chat rooms where cheating relationships can be commonly developed.  The purpose of marriage that I believe God had in mind is to bond for life with another, physically, mentally, and spiritually.  To watch porn degrades that bond in the mind of the partner, and devalues them physically and emotionally.  It often creates an appetite for perversions of sex that may not be accepted by the spouse.  It creates a wedge that grows in the marriage until it often collapses the union.*

What can we do?  If you have a problem, don’t sweep it under the rug.  There are counselors and therapists out there who can help.  Internet filters can be set up to prevent access and monitor use.  Here are four of them:  X3church (www.xxxhurch.com)  Mobicip (www.mobicip.com)  Covenant Eyes (www.covenanteyes.com)  Internet Safety’s Safe Eyes (www.internetsafety.com)   And like in any addiction program, accountability partners are a big help, especially if they have access to internet filter alerts on porn site access.

·       *  I could talk for hours on ideas for keeping sex exciting in marriage and how to have active and engaged partners in sex, but suffice it to say here the most important seems to be talking about your needs with each other and what excites you, and keeping desirable physically.  A lot of sex is mental and there is much that can interfere with that connection.  Some things that frequently interfere are the stress of life, housekeeping, job, kids etc. taking dominance over everything else…especially problematic in those early and middle years of marriage.  There are some great books out there on this and other issues of marriage like “His Needs, Her Needs” by Willard Harley.  Another good one is What Women Want Men To Know, and also What Men Want Women To Know, both books by Barbara DeAngelis.  Steve Harvey has some great perspectives for single women on it, too, in his Act Like a Lady, Think Like A Man.