We all come to relationships with expectations. The more intimate the relationship, the more
the expectations. Because of the life
experiences we bring to the relationship, we may even have extra difficulties
in managing relationships. Parents
especially can have a seriously detrimental effect on their children through
alcoholism, abuse and the like. If you eventually
take that big step to a marriage relationship, you are filled with
expectations, but are they realistic?
In the bliss of the typical romantic relationship we often
see the artificial presentation of who our anticipated partner is. I’m convinced most people can maintain this
fiction for a year and some even longer.
We put our best foot forward. We
anticipate what we think the other person is looking for and we attempt in
every way to fulfill that fantasy.
Sometimes it is easy because it truly represents who we are. Other times…not so much. And beyond that, the truth is you can’t know
what a day after day intimate relationship is like until you are constantly in
it for the long haul.
Let’s face it, nobody is perfect. In a relationship you try to maintain a
career, be a sex god or goddess and partner, keep the house repaired or
cleaned, cook, mow the lawn, have no problems, and be the supportive,
appreciative and sensitive partner that can sit and listen sympathetically and
objectively at will. None of this is
reasonable or attainable all the time.
For some it’s a struggle even some of the time. The biggest problem is believing that the
image of perfection is a normal relationship.
Relationship is a long term project that requires thinking
of it as an ongoing process. What is
normal is what you work out as a couple by discussing and processing together
the behaviors that seem to cause a problem with the relationship. This may even change over the years in some
cases. Developing those workable and
comfortable norms amid the stresses of life is what communication is for, and
it’s an ongoing process. It may be a
pretty slow process that develops over time in most cases and patience is a
virtue.
So, remember, keep the lines of communication open and take
it a day at a time.
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