We all experience grief and loss. It’s part of life. It gives birth to loneliness at times. There is a big difference in being alone and
being lonely. The isolation and loss,
the feeling of helplessness and the boredom are all potential long term
outgrowths of being alone. Some people
mediate those outcomes and actually thrive on being alone, but most of us are
social creatures that don’t do well with that kind of isolation. Sadly, we live in a society where loneliness,
and the depression that comes with it, is a growing problem.
We have isolated ourselves with our devices. We text rather than talk, we watch movies and
TV rather than interact, we thrill seek in whitewater or other environments,
and sadly we medicate ourselves with a host of substances that are not good for
us even if they are prescribed by a physician.
We never make the conscious choice to move forward.
I’ve been listening to some CDs on loneliness and grief and
a couple things really have stood out to me.
The first is the phrase that everyone uses: “Why do I have to go through
this?” The operative word that is often
missed is “through.” There is and end
point that you are supposed to come out of instead of continuing to wallow in
sadness. The other point that seems
really important is that for a period you must not ignore your sadness. If you suffer you may need to cry or
experience other emotional outlets. One
of those outlets is talking it out with a professional counselor (though studies
show that caring, insightful friends and family can work just as well most of
the time.) In Japan, where isolation and loneliness is rampant, they have Anti-Loneliness Cafes...they supply you with a giant stuffed hippo-like animal called a Moomin to eat with. They'll even send one on vacation and have it send pictures back to you. Not sure I follow the theraputic logic, so I don't know that I recommend that as therapy.
But at some point all the “why me” stuff needs to get packed
away and you move on. God does not want
us to just sit and spin our wheels.
Eventually you need to pick yourself up and go out there and take
control of your life. One of the best
ways to fight loneliness and grief is to look for others to help who are having
similar difficulties. Pretty soon you’ll
find yourself far from lonely.
A quote from "Healing after Loss" by Martha Whitmore Hickman;
ReplyDelete"Did someone say that there would be an end, an end, Oh, an end, to love and mourning? by May Sarton -
No, not to either. And that's the comfort, I suppose - that though we don't ever 'get over' a major loss, we don't 'get over' the love we shared with that person, either - a love that, in ways we will come to know, stays with us and continues to enrich our life over the years.
But a caution. We need not confuse the mourning with the image of the person we loved. If we allow them to overlap too much, then we cannot let go of the mourning because we would lose the loved one, too. But they are different, and we will do better with our lives if, as soon as we are able, we make a conscious separation of the loved person from the grief over his or her loss. Each has its place, but they don't always need to blend together..
** Though I know my memory of my loved one will always carry a tinge of sadness, I will be able to put that in the background - if I want to."
That was today's meditation from "Healing After Loss" & certainly seemed to fit here.